she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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