white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
