I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
