Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize