I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize