i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
