smell my finger.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
