Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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