just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
