God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you will always have a special place in my vag
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Randomize
