I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
