are you still at the devil's house?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
