and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize