I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
