There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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