wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
