**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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