I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
