YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
