That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
