I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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