I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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