this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
