Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
