if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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