Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
