What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
