Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize