I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
