I accidentally burped into my bong.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
