when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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