Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
its liver damage thursday
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
