Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
