You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
