I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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