Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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