just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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