The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
