It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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