In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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