The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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