I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
