How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
its not stalking. its research.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
