I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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