My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
