I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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