ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
