I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
