Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
