I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize