His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
