I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
