I wish i was in the wii world.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
