I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
