3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
