You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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