I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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