hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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