no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
