Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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