Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize