I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
