My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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