My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
