Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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