There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
