This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
