Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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