I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let's get the cat blown out
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
