And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
