Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
