If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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