They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
