I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
