Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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