booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
