This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
