I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He shit in the fireplace
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
