I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize