I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
