It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
