In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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