Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
