my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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