Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
