HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
