Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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