Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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