i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize