Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Randomize
