sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
