Is it normal to miss your booty call?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
