i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
