my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
