you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
