By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
