Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
