The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Plan B is the new Plan A
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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